By success in the married fun we understand the sum of a series of factors that are very rewarding such as: good level of affectivity, good level of communication, good level of sexual desire, good capacity for consensus and problem solving, attitude of respect and tolerance, shared goals and objectives and good balance between personal life and life as a couple .
It is easy to have this good relationship level at the beginning of the relationship, when falling in love is intense and high idealization. Later, when the individual schemes begin to show up in the personalities of the members of the couple, it is when the difficulties begin to arise. So that this does not happen, or can be overcome, we must put into practice the following keys to success in the relationship:
First key: Maintain a good level of autonomy and self-esteem.
The excess of emotional dependence of a person towards his partner causes him to lose self-esteem, identity and live his life excessively dependent on the tastes and needs of his partner. The result is a “shrinkage” of the personality and personal appeal that will promote the estrangement of the couple.
So that this does not happen, it is important that each member of the couple know how to preserve their personal autonomy to a sufficient degree and compatible with the union with another person and the easements that this implies. In this sense it is very appropriate to maintain the interest and usual activities such as work, social relationships, hobbies, friends, etc.
The balance between one’s own space and shared space is fundamental for the stability of the couple.
Second key: Sincerity, authenticity and emotional expression.
The need to show the best version of oneself, which is proper in the first stage of the relationship, if it is perpetuated over time, makes the person lose authenticity and live the relationship in an unrealistic way. Trying to show yourself as one believes he is more admired and loved. But this causes a wall of separation to be generated with the other person since there is no access to the whole of the person, the good, the regular and the bad.
When a person hides aspects of his personality that are ugly to his partner, he assumes that there are aspects of himself that are not lovable and by extension, he feels like a person who does not deserve to be loved .
This generates an insecurity that can be shown in jealousy, coldness, distance, fear and lack of complicity. Aspects that seriously affect the couple’s relationship.
Therefore, dare to show and express your emotions. It can be difficult for the untrained person to experience a strong sense of shame and ridicule. But this fact is very therapeutic and goes beyond improving the relationship as it supposes a growth and integration of the personality.
Third key: Empathy, good communication and consensus.
Normally, in the first phase of couple relationships communication flows easily, people, encouraged and stimulated by the person that attracts them, generate a great amount of communication. Over time, it decreases for different reasons: loss of interest, conversation topics that do not like or even generate discussions, a sense of lack of empathy with the issues expressed, ultimately communication becomes a source of frustration.
To improve communication, the following guidelines can be applied:
- When your partner expresses himself, listen to him very carefullywithout interrupting his communication.
- Strive to put yourself inside their skin and understand their point of view(even if you do not share it)
- Express to him everything he has said to you in a mirror, giving him to understand that you have understood everything he has expressed to you.
- Now express your point of view, without trying to prove that you are in the right, much less to demonstrate your moral or intellectual superiority over your partner, you only express your point of view with the humility of the person who understands that he does not have the truth Absolute
- From here, a climate of expression, understanding and empathy is established, which is the right one to find a mutually agreed solutionin which neither of them wins or loses.
Fourth key: Maintain exciting objectives, projects and activities for both.
The not fall into monotony, repetition and boredom is also important to maintain the illusion key partner. All people need to have goals that generate interest and enthusiasm, from small, such as making small home reforms to large as having children. The loss of the objectives and the illusions suppose a deterioration of the life of couple as well as of the individual.
A good procedure is to make a list of activities and objectives that have been exciting in the married fun or that may be for the future such as having a nice home, making trips, romantic outings, better sexual relations, recovering activities that were not done, improving communication, show more affection, get involved in social projects, etc.
Fifth key: Do not close the relationship and maintain a good level of social relations.
Couples who close themselves to social relationships often exhaust themselves, at least one member of the couple will experience feelings of exhaustion, boredom or deterioration of their life as a couple.
For this reason, having a circle of social relationships improves the dynamics of the couple’s relationship, allows us to get out of the type of role that is so typical of life as a couple and facilitates the enrichment and revitalization of the couple.